I’m an International personal trainer, former figure competitor, City Sports Ambassador/Urban Athlete, rated top 10 fitness instagrammers to follow by Be Well Philly, an Internationally published fitness writer and model, chosen as one of Germany’s top trainers, and have appeared on the local news for my integrative workouts.
I have a svelte physique, a six-pack and I’m strong as shit. But that’s just a part of me. Usually the only part that people “know”, but the truth is-that’s only a small piece of who I really am.
My passion for fitness began at a young age and continued to evolve and became an ambiguous term. It’s what drove me; it had a piece of my heart, and never seemed to lead me astray.
The gym was always my outlet. My go to-my get away from the world and it allowed me to live in the moment.
Throughout the years I’ve gone from having the most defined six-pack, working on the perfect package so I could compete in figure competitions, to falling out of love with fitness because there were times that I felt it failed me…I no longer felt connected. It was almost as if I was pretending to fill the shoes of the person I once was.
I used to love waking up to workout, but suddenly it became an ongoing battle. It made an unexpected transformation, one that I wasn’t ready for, but one that I would learn to embrace.
Things changed for me when I moved to Germany about three years ago. I left behind my career in corporate fitness, and felt as though I lost a part of myself. Yet as a married woman I was following my husband and attempting to make a life for us in a new country.
Not having something to call my own put my world into a tailspin. Not to mention the trauma I went through when my husband left me for another woman and told me he wanted a divorce.
I was in a brand new country with no true friends trying my hardest to pick up all of the pieces. I didn’t know anything other than fitness–so I went back. I built up my clientele, and worked every possible second to keep my mind off of what was really going on. During this process, as it continued to be a fight to wake up each day I learned a lot. I learned that fitness is ever changing, and constantly evolving with you, as long as you allow it to. I was able to make connections to women I never imagined possible. I learned that people were experiencing situations far worse than mine but they were still in the gym, coping with their problematic struggles.
It was during that time, when I was thousands of miles away from my family and friends, and husband-less that I came to the conclusion that fitness saved my life. The clients that requested training sessions at 5am and 6am until 7pm and 8pm saved me. Without them I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. I wouldn’t have been able to embrace and fully appreciate the struggle, and the actual process that a person can go through if they just allow it to happen.
Moving back to the states was a tough decision in and of it’s self. There was no “ah-ha” moment. I had an extremely difficult time leaving what I had fought so hard to build in Germany; my clientele, the amazing friends that I eventually made and considered family, and my travels that became my form of therapy.
Once again, I had to figure it all out. I built up my books, and put my life in the hands of fitness. But this time it wasn’t just your general term of fitness but instead overall health and wellness. The women that have come into my life have made me a stronger individual emotionally. They have allowed me to see that although at times you may fail, failure often equates to success.
Being back for a little over a year now people view me as a strong, confident trainer who is running a successful business. The truth is, that girl is buried in my current state of depression, still mending a broken heart, healing from a broken foot, and feeling lost. Now that the reality of being 28 and getting divorced has set in, I am struggling with how to be the strong confident woman I know I am. I now feel it’s my turn to be uplifted, and to allow fitness to save my life once again.