Dating Schmating

JesicaTMP-62We’ve all been there, in fact you may be there right now…

Thanks to my therapist I was reminded that we have a tendency to make up imaginary deadlines in our head of when things are supposed to happen and exactly how they’re supposed to play out–like being married by the age of 30, having kids by 35, buying a house before your best friend does, the list goes on… and we’ve been programmed to become fearful if those things aren’t going according to plan.

People ask me all the time if I’m dating, who I’m dating, or why I’m not dating.

Most of the time my answer is “yes”–myself. If I’m being completely transparent I’ve spent the last three years or so hiding behind my well structured walls that I refer to as “work”–my career can require a lot of  creative energy, and time, yet my definition of work can also be defined as the walls I’ve built so that I don’t have to seem vulnerable, have an excuse to not let anyone in, and can continue to build, both physically and metaphorically.

I believe in this day and age people are so quick to settle down, date for the heck of it, or not commit because there are so many options to choose from, and the grass is seemingly always greener on the other side. This is where I think we need to take a step back.

I’m not opposed to dating someone (not just anyone), but I thoroughly enjoy getting to know myself. I’m ok alone, and being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, it simply means you have the ability to explore any and all possibilities. Whether that means falling madly in love with someone, picking up and moving to a new state to begin a new chapter, or adopting a new puppy- (personally) I’m open to it all (especially the puppy).

Us females tend to let guys play a HUGE role in how we view ourselves, and yes, I’m guilty of it too. We allow a simple text to change our entire day, or lack thereof make us go bat shit crazy. We’re ok with someone not responding to us, taking us for granted, or lacking any sort of substance because we don’t view ourselves as worthy, and in the back of our minds we’re panicking about imaginary timelines that truthfully don’t exist.

I am confident, sexy, and successful (yes I said it), and although I may not always feel those things, I know them to be true of my character, yet I often seek validation in those things from someone of the opposite sex. We allow them to define us, and make us feel more valuable, or worthy.

Let’s put a stop to that.

No matter where you are in your relationship, whether that be personal or with someone else I think it’s important that we remember it’s more fun to do life with someone and not for them. By sharing the foundation of who we are and being fully confident in doing so there should be nothing wrong with making ourselves a top priority. If your tank isn’t full, why do you think you’d be able to add premium fuel to someone else’s?