Success is a Mindset

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Right around the New Year I debated (with myself) about whether or not I should post a blog about why I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, but for the people that do, I didn’t want to offend anyone. The thing is, I believe in execution. I believe that setting goals is an amazing thing. I like to hand write my goals around years end so I have something tangible to look back on. I also take time to think of how I’m going to execute them properly without getting overwhelmed with all the forgotten steps that come in between.

What I see people failing at most (myself included) is taking time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished this past year, and how it all transpired. I’m one for making plans, sticking to them, and getting frustrated when things are seemingly not going according to my plan, when the truth is; we all have a plan. Whether you believe in God, Buddha, or another higher power greater than yourself, you must believe that we all have something we’re meant to be doing to help others and ourselves. The issue that comes into play is that we’re not always capable of seeing where life may unexpectedly take us. We get so caught up in why things aren’t working and take little to no time to question if we may be headed on a more desirable path, one that will suit us better, and one that will ultimately make more sense in the long run.

This past year I had a lot of personal success in my business, but I also made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that frustrated me, made me question my direction, but mistakes that ultimately led me to where I am, and who I am today. Looking back is something we’re often taught to not do; “look ahead” is what people say. While I’m all for it, I think that occasionally looking back allows us to see how much we’ve grown, what lessons we’ve learned, and that sometimes the most beautiful forms of creativity evolve through suffering.

I’m going to rewind a few years back to when I was living in Germany with my then husband. Neither one of us were happy in the marriage, he left and ultimately left me to pick up the pieces. I stayed in Germany for quite awhile, trying to make sense of it all, get a grip on where my life was headed (since it was no longer going in the direction I had always planned for it to), and figure out who Jayel was one her own. Not married, but single. Not Michael’s Air Force dependent, but independent. This was all new to me. I remember quite vividly asking for strength, and guidance. Every door pointed towards fitness. When I wanted to drink myself silly and forget that I had emotions I was reminded that I had clients that were depending on me. They were going through their own issues and I was there to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was during that time period that I made a promise; while I do believe in God, I told myself that fitness would become a new part of my belief system. I vowed to give my life to fitness. At the time I wasn’t able to fully understand the capacity of what I was committing to.

I now see it.

For a while I struggled with connecting to others through fitness. I never struggled with weight, I had always been active, and I naturally had an athletic build. In other words, I wasn’t relatable.

As my world felt as though it was falling apart, the truth was, in part, that it was coming together. My divorce was the hardest thing I’ve had to endure to date. It left me breathless, broken, and guarded, but throughout that process I learned who I was, what I’m capable of enduring, and how I can’t look at success through anyone else’s eyes but my own- because success isn’t something you can simply write down on paper- it’s a mindset. It’s how you view your weakness and are able to make them into your strengths. We must remind ourselves that healing and rebuilding is an evolutionary process. It takes time to create a fruitful relationship, not just with others, but with ourselves as well. I can speak from the trenches because I was there, and at times still am. I felt I was in a relationship that wasn’t necessarily conducive to my growing process for seven years…yet it’s the very relationship that made me grow up.

Through that process I was reminded that each beautiful piece of artwork was birthed by failure, heartache, defeat, and loss. Yet by facing my reality I had to deal with my problems that I had been trying to cover up for so long, by pretending they didn’t exist. I now am a testament to how one can view something as a failure, yet it can turn into one of the biggest successes in your life. Sometimes veering of course is something we need. We must understand that our pain has the capability of turning our passion into a purpose.

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Did you gain more than just a few pounds this holiday season? Yeah…me too.

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 Tomorrow is the first full week of January-Thank God.

My schedule (for the most part will be back to being a busy, busy, bee).- Thank God.

My type A personality of craving, needing, and thriving from having a routine will be in full force come tomorrow morning- Thank God.

Since Thanksgiving, I feel like I haven’t been consistent with anything other than eating, drinking, and being merry.

When my schedule is off- I’m off, and when I have loads of free time, it can be dangerous; not only to my productivity but that means I have more time to indulge in things I typically don’t indulge in.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m beyond stoked for the holidays to be over!

Today I received not one, but several text messages from clients/friends in full on panic mode about how much weight they’ve gained from the holidays, how their goals were put on the back burner, and how they need to get back on track. I’ve also received questions regarding my opinion on juice cleanses, detoxes, and the best way to jump start 2015.

Let me preface by saying; I’ve gained more than just a few pounds since Thanksgiving, I attended a handful of holiday parties, eaten out more times than I can actually count, scarfed down a minimum of two dozen cookies, shared several bottles of wine and champagne with friends, devoured an entire cheese plate, and ordered one too many takeout out orders because (insert friend/s name here) was coming over for dinner… and I don’t regret any of it.

The holidays can be a scary time because we panic and tend to lose sight of our goals, but the holidays are something that I would like to refer to as life…and life happens every day, every month, and every year. The most important aspect that we forget about the holidays is substance. We make time to reconnect to friends and family. We’re actually in each others presence as opposed to sending a text, FaceTime/ing, or shooting a brief email. We laugh, we cry, and we embrace one another…you get the point here, we re-connect and reflect, and if it wasn’t for this time of year all of that would be lost. So instead of wishing the past couple of weeks played out differently accept that not every month is going to be perfect, and that life happens. Appreciate the times you had with loved ones, and move on.

Monday is not only the beginning of each week, but a new opportunity to set new (achievable) goals.

As far as any quick fix; cleanses, detoxes, etc…do they work? Sure they do, for a very brief period of time, and in a very unhealthy way. So, tomorrow don’t dwell on the past, or get mad at the scale. Instead begin to learn what your body is capable of doing with the right guidance, self discipline, and the ability to love yourself from the inside out. The scale will always fluctuate, so remove the “would have”/”could have”/”should have’s” from your mind and focus on rebuilding in the here and now.

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Why your New Year’s Resolution(s) Won’t Work

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It’s that time of year again, where we’re all in the mindset of; New Year, new you, new goals.

I’m sure most of you have heard the infamous quote from Benjamin Franklin “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” That’s pretty much how I feel about New Years resolutions in a nut shell. We’re so excited about a fresh start, a new chapter, and the chance to finally get it right that we’re neglecting the most important aspect; planning.

Instead of devising a calculated plan of attack for each desired resolution we dream or hope that they will come to fruition simply by saying we will do them. In retrospect we have to stop dreaming and begin working towards our resolutions. We put so much pressure on ourselves and set goals that are often unattainable, not because they’re too grandiose, but because we never take the time to figure out how to get from point A to point B, C, or D.

So, this New Year, I say we change our thought process entirely. Instead of making a resolution (which when broken down is simply deciding to do or not to do something) we set goals that we know we’re able to accomplish. Let’s put more thought into our goals, write down a plan to help us when the going gets tough, and be persistent.

Welcome 2015 by embracing change, accepting challenges, and accomplishing your goals.

Stop wishing…start working.

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I’m in Love…



photoI’m in love
…with my new outlook on life. It’s that time of year again that we’re constantly surrounded by friends and family, feeling obligated to attend every party we’ve received an invite to, and appear as though our lives are picture perfect.

Although that may be the case for some, it’s not the case for most. I think after having a real, intimate conversation with close friends and/or family we’ll all soon realize that the pictures on holiday cards paint a facade of the way we may want our life to appear. There’s nothing wrong with working towards that picture you’ve created in your head but it can be exhausting pretending to be something your not.

I’ve been there, we’ve all been there at some point or another. I look at December not only as the last month of the year but a time to reflect back on how much my life has changed, how I’ve grown, and what I’ve learned not only about myself but how I choose to look at life differently in the days to come.

It wasn’t until I created this blog that I felt comfortable sharing my story, my real self, and all of the hardships I’ve endured. In a sense this blog has been my own personal diary of not only my struggles but my successes as well. Looking back, my divorce was one of the hardest, but most rewarding times of my life. For so long I pretended that things were fine, when they were not… and that was utterly exhausting. As I was able to open up and share what was really going on in my life I was able to see that there was in fact light at the end of the tunnel.

Since my divorce I’ve: 

  • Fallen apart…and picked up the pieces
  • Learned to accept myself…faults and all
  • Become independent…of others
  • Traveled…to places I never thought life would take me
  • Cried in bed…while drinking champagne and/or eating chocolate…simultaneously
  • Stopped planning out each step in my life…and have learned to accept whatever life throws at me
  • Started a new project…and stopped an old one
  • Been honest…with myself

But most importantly, I’ve learned it’s better to welcome adversity than to fight it. By doing this I’ve discovered it’s what fuels me, and has given me a new outlook on life. In order for this to happen we must learn to be present, and accept any and every challenge that may come our way.

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