FLY; a look into my longest and most intimate relationship


Valentine’s Day is about love, sharing that emotion with others and often solely focused on appeasing someone else. We can get so caught up in the hoopla of it all and forget that it’s ok to be alone, to work on the relationship with yourself, and give as much to yourself as you would someone else.

You’ve probably heard the expression “you can’t love someone into loving you.” There has probably been a relationship throughout your life where you wanted it to work so badly that you would have done anything for it, you would have given your all to see the (potential) positive outcomes, and you wouldn’t consider throwing in the towel until you put up a good fight until the very  end.

In my past relationships I don’t feel that anyone has every truly fought for me, yet as a result I learned a completely new theory. One that needs to come to the surface more, one that seemingly cannot let you down, and one that allows you to see that not all strength is love- just because you love something and you’re strong enough to hold on it doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

Typically, we’re taught to love others, treat them with respect, and take into account someone else’s needs- while that is all fine and dandy that will often leave you feeling cheated.

My story, like everyone else’s is long. There are high points, and low points. Successes and failures. Failed relationships and lasting ones…

The constant, longest, most dynamic and often times hardest to articulate relationship I’ve had, is the one with fitness. I’ve been in a relationship with fitness for as long as I can remember. It was something that started out with ease, it was fun, captivating, and always left me wanting more. It never turned its back on me and was always there for me when I needed it.

I watered it, I nurtured it, and it began to grow. Just as a relationship with an actual human there are periods of uncertainty, questionable moments, and times where you want to quit because it’s tough. I’ve been successful and I’ve also struggled to find my way. Fitness is something that a lot of people tend to see as one sided or one dimensional, yet it’s a very complex relationship.

People in general have a tendency to only show the good moments, the hi-light reel if you will, we don’t like others to see us in a place of need and confusion, yet that is what allows others to see that they’re not alone, that no relationship is perfect and that if you truly want something bad enough you’re going to have to work for it.

The outlets that I use to post my success and everyday struggles can often come off as me having it all together, but that’s when I work my hardest to be honest (despite how difficult it may be at times). I’ve lost my way countless times, I’ve wanted to give up, I’ve thrown in the towel (and quickly scrambled to get my towel back), and I’ve questioned (at least a dozen times) what road I’m on in this health and wellness quest.  I’ve binged eaten whatever I could get my hands on, I’ve had bottles of wine for dinner to ease the hurt and pain of, well, life (and other unsuccessful relationships), and I’ve regretted it all the next morning.

I’ve tried to physically run away from my problems, I’ve inspired hundreds of women to love and accept themselves for who they are no matter where they are, but I too have had my own struggles with that affirmation.

Yet, all of that being said, my relationship- the one with fitness has been my longest ongoing one to date. It’s lifted me through my highest of highs and my lowest of lows, and ironically some of those highs and those lows were because of it. I’ve wanted to break up with it many times, but then I’ve also had so many endorphins that I’ve wanted to make love to it.

This relationship is intimate…it’s one that I have with something, but one that continues to be built by someone…me, and no matter how I choose to view it, it’s a part of me that I will continue to fight for because it’s truly about loving myself, accepting myself as I am in the moment, and learning that despite what others may think or failed relationships have tried to tell me, I am worth fighting for. Yes, as in any relationship it is going to be a struggle, but it’s a struggle that’s worth fighting for time and time again. Yes, it’s hurt me, at times it felt as though it’s failed me, but as it stands it’s built me, and only continues to make me.

So, before you rush off and do what you were taught to do; love someone else, care for someone else, and treat them with respect, don’t forget to FLY (first love yourself), because the foundation that you lay and the bond you create within is one that can be truly unbreakable.